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How I Lost Myself in 2018

08/01/2019

I had this list in my head, it went something like: acceptance of others, meditation - things of that nature. It was a very easy-going new year's resolution list straight out of a women's magazine - nothing too crazy, nothing too "Eat, Pray, Love." But as I'm sitting here at my desk staring at this candle that has the phrase "Love Heals Every Body" printed across the front,…

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The Kids Will Be All Right

12/08/2018

I felt strange. Not really a tourist or visitor, but feeling like one in my own city. Connected, but not necessarily, and really only just in the occasional situation, and occasional environment. I felt a bit fragmented like I had been unraveled and was desperately trying to piece myself back together, yet I was always missing a few bits, and I found that they were much more important than…

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Trials in Adulting

07/02/2018

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I was going to be an adult. A real adult this time, like the kinds you see in crappy romantic comedies and those dramas on AMC like Mad Men or Suits. I was going to start writing in my planner, scheduling things, talking in a deep voice about really serious issues but then also talking really fast and using big words as if my…

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Seeking Passion: When to Say “I Don’t Know”

01/02/2018

I’ve been struggling with something lately, and while this may come as no real surprise because A) it’s the end of January 2018, and B) it has been snowing on and off for the last few weeks, I’ve still managed  to transition to a lesser version of myself: someone who sleeps half the day, then spends her nights lying awake staring at the ceiling. While the winter blues…

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物の哀れ (Mono no Aware)

17/01/2018

Looking back, I would have to say that I’m incredibly lucky. Lucky in a lot of instances, which considering my pessimistic personality, is something that I’m not quite used to. I don’t know why, but there’s still this part of me that likes to chip away at any smile I may have and repeat the phrase over and over: You don’t deserve this. My initial near-breakdown and nervousness…

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A Year in Review: The Confidence Project

17/12/2017

At the beginning of this year I wrote down a checklist of things that I wanted to accomplish in 2017, something I’m sure no one is stranger too, as the start of the new year normally brings out our most idealistic selves. For the most part, I managed to accomplish the majority of my goals, as they were things I was either working towards, was in the midst…

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6,819 Miles

12/12/2017

It’s that time of year again, and despite finally being in an area that has actual seasons, which is something I’ve wished for after years of watching the most banal yet heartwarming holiday movies, I’ve found my limited holiday cheer is for the most part, already exhausted. My experience with the holiday season is complicated, and has been a bit less magical since I found out that there…

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“Where are you going, where have you been?”

30/10/2017

Let me preface this post with a warning… I wasn’t going to post this. I didn’t want to. This reluctancy was born out of a need to convince everyone that everything is exactly as I say it is – fine. I’ll repeat that a dozen times until it sticks. I needed to convince myself of this. I wanted to fit into that perfect image I created of what…

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You are not lost

29/08/2017

It’s 11:09am and I’m sitting in Starbucks. Despite the weather being annoyingly typical in its adherence to maintaining its unpredictability, I’m still sticking to drinking my coffee hot rather than iced. I’ll sweat my way through this drink, then brave the humidity on my walk back to work. If I’m lucky, it will be windy. That’s island weather: Like wading in a lukewarm bathtub one moment, then braving…

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Thoughts on Home

24/07/2017

I’ve been a bit hesitant about writing this post, but it appears that I woke up strangely early this morning and now find myself in an empty cafe, hopped up on a bit too much coffee, relying on too little sleep, and, well – here we are. It’s been almost a month since I arrived in South Korea, and while I’ve yet to actually move in to my…