Blog

Adventures in Disordered Eating

At first, I was good. Walking excessively in Busan wearing my tourist shoes meant that I had little care about what I was eating nor the amount. But as the weeks came and went, that little person inside of me that whispered eat, eat, eat managed to take over. So I gave in. I ate bread – a huge trigger food for me. I laid in bed, defeated, my stomach, bloated, and I didn’t know what to do. I hated the feeling of being full. If my stomach bulged out just a little from food I would go into full panic mode. When I was younger, this resulted in a kind of panic exercise induced black out. However, on this day, I had no where to go to exercise, so I fell back on something that I swore to my college self I would not do anymore.

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Blog

Travel far enough, you meet yourself.

When I was younger, I was obsessed with everything that wasn’t my immediate reality. Like most children, I dreamt of finding fairy circles deep in the woods, waking up one morning to find a letter on my desk inviting me to learn magic at some school far far away, or coming across a dragon egg while playing hide-and-seek on my friend’s ranch. I even redecorated and painted my room to look like the Gryffindor common room at one point so I could pretend just a little longer that I was living in an entirely different world far from the one of those around me

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Video

Language Learning Problems

I started more intensively studying Korean about a year and a half ago and in the wake of my boredom from being stuck at home, I decided to make a little video about it. Honestly, I feel like this is more for me than anyone else, I don’t know how people manage to stay at their homes all day. Maybe it’s because my home is one room it makes me a little bit more antsy, but here we are. Korean is a hard language. English is a hard language. French. Spanish. It’s all hard man.

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Creative Writing

Lists

She and I will go on dates masquerading as friends and confess the things we save for falling stars. I am enamored with leaving our hometown, and the more I speak to such a life, such possibilities, the more I witness the image I saved for her unravel across from me. I will receive an acceptance letter in the mail. I will leave. I will never see her again.

by monicae
Video

Another Year (or so) in Review: Tomorrow, Today

Sometimes I think in the midst of writing resolutions and starving ourselves for the newest fad diets at the start of the year, we forget about those little moments, what those bits and pieces look like when tethered together just tight enough. We spend our time moaning about how horrible the year was, how this year will most definitely, definitely (just you watch!) be better, then make silly promises to ourselves and others just to hold a semblance of accountability.

by monicae
Blog

How I Lost Myself in 2018

I had this list in my head, it went something like: acceptance of others, meditation – things of that nature. It was a very easy-going new year’s resolution list straight out of a women’s magazine – nothing too crazy, nothing too “Eat, Pray, Love.” But as I’m sitting here at my desk staring at this candle that has the phrase “Love Heals Every Body” printed across the front, in all capital, all assaulting, all very, in-your-face letters, I’ve narrowed my list down to one thing. One aspiration. One dear-God please grow up now or I’m throwing the towel in: Stop looking for validation from men.

by monicae
Video

Osaka in December

This wasn’t the immersive site-seeing type of trip like I had last year. It was more, let’s go shopping and wander through department stores until we forget how stressed work made us before this holiday, kind of trip. Anyway, I filmed (kind of), but as always, I was distracted by pretty things and didn’t film as much as I could have. I realized this kind of thing, though I’m not necessarily the best at it, is more so for me. I like having a visual diary of sorts.

by monicae
Creative Writing

Rokko-shidare

They sat on the curb, their knees knocking against one another, their bellies warm from fried food. O licked her fingers. She reached over and poked Q on his cheek.

Q shot her a glance as he shoved a few pieces of fried sweet potato and onion into his mouth. He chewed slowly, then, “So, are you ready to go?”

O shook her head. “Definitely not, we just got here.”

by monicae
Video

Spending a Week in Malaysia

Recently, in a kind of spur of the moment thing, I booked a trip with a friend to visit Kuala Lumpur and Penang. I’m trying to visit different countries in Asia and get a bit more out of my comfort zone (more than I already am anyway) for the time being, which means, more trips abroad (I’m thinking Taiwan and Hong Kong early next year).

This is the first time I’ve visited a country in Southeast Asia (more on that later), and while we did the whole shopping/spas/massages on certain days, I didn’t really find them camera worthy (I mean, a mall in America is pretty much the same as a mall anywhere else).

by monicae
Blog

The Kids Will Be All Right

I felt strange. Not really a tourist or visitor, but feeling like one in my own city. Connected, but not necessarily, and really only just in the occasional situation, and occasional environment. I felt a bit fragmented like I had been unraveled and was desperately trying to piece myself back together, yet I was always missing a few bits, and I found that they were much more important than I originally thought they were. I spent much of my time in America wandering, both mentally and physically. Much of my days passed at the backs of coffee shops alone or wandering through bookstores trailing my fingers along shelves, yet buying nothing.

by monicae
Blog

On Language

Language is an incredibly irritating thing. As a writer, I dedicate too much of my time to trying to find the right words. I’m constantly overthinking the placement of adjectives, verbs, and whatever else because I want to perfectly encapsulate a scene for my audience. I want to be able to present what’s in my head as accurately as possible – describe a feeling, create something tangible from the intangible, make someone else somewhere else in the world empathize, and understand.

by monicae
Culture

Health-Conscious Tips for Living in Korea

Some of these things can apply to other Asian countries, but of course, I’ve only ever lived in South Korea, so this is specific to my own experience. Most of these are things that I have yet to see any other article or blog mention, and I tried to highlight at least a few really important things to keep in mind, especially because most of these can affect your health.

by monicae
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